Time of Month
by The Moon on a String
Summary: It's Harley's time of month and the Joker just wants to do something to cheer her up. (Warning: it's pretty fluffy)


**Author's Notes: **Don't know where this came from. Just a random one-shot. Enjoy!

**Rating:** M for violence/death

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters.

* * *

**Time of Month**

The Joker sat at the kitchen table, drumming his fingers on the wood impatiently. He was waiting. Waiting for Harley to get up and make him his damn coffee. It was almost nine thirty! What did that girl think she was doing? How did she expect him to get through his day without his morning coffee? She was so unthoughtful sometimes.

Finally, he heard the bedroom door click open and light footsteps coming closer. He stood up and turned to face the blonde as she shuffled into the room.

"There you are! Harley, _why_ have you been sleeping in?" He demanded. "Why haven't you made me my coffee?"

Harley glanced up, looking panicked. "Oh, jeez, I'm so sorry, Mr J. I... I didn't mean to sleep in." She took a step closer, wringing her hands. "I'll go make some coffee right now."

He noticed the way she moved around. Slowly. Carefully. Stiffly. As if she were very tired or very sore. He frowned. Was she injured? He was sure she had been fine yesterday. Maybe a little crabby towards the end of the day but he assumed she was just sleepy.

He watched Harley pause suddenly, folding an arm around her middle. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath in. After that she stood up straight and continued on as if nothing had happened.

"Are you alright there, doll-face?"

She smiled assuringly at him as she made him his beverage. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine, puddin'... I just have cramps is all."

Oh. It was her time of month. He didn't fully understand what that meant. He just knew she bled a lot, cried a lot and ate a lot Harley was already an incredibly emotion person but on these days she's was completely volatile. She could be laughing at his jokes one minute and crying into his shoulder the next. She also tended to be extremely moody and he couldn't stand this. He didn't know how to deal with it; he didn't even know how _she_ dealt with it.

"Say, Harley, why don't I make the coffee myself? You just go back to bed if you're hurting."

"Don't be silly. I'm fine."

He stood up and walked over to her. "Are you sure?"

"Of course. They're just cramps."

The Joker knew these cramps hurt like a bitch and that she was trying hard to mask her struggle. "Okay, well, you just go about your day, Harley. I've got work to do."

She nodded. "I'll keep out of your way. Besides, I've got lots of cleaning to do." She handed him his favourite mug full of fresh, steaming coffee. "Here you are, baby."

He took it from her, grinning widely. "Thanks, doll." He sipped it and strolled off.

* * *

It wasn't until the early evening that the Joker decided to check on Harley. Honestly, he'd forgotten about her; far too busy with his plans. But once he did remember, it suddenly became his top priority. He wasn't sure why. He supposed he was just worried about the kid. Cramps seemed to be a real burden. Painful too.

He searched around for his little lover only to find she was no where in sight. Frowning, he searched some more and when he got to the bathroom, he found that the door was locked.

The Joker rapped on the door lightly. "Harley, sweetheart, you in there?"

There was a short pause. "Yeah, I am." Harley called back weakly.

He didn't like how she sounded – like she was in pain. "Are you okay, Harls?"

"Uh, yeah..." There was another pause, as if she were considering something. "Hey, puddin'?"

"Yes?"

"Could you go get me some tampons? I've run out."

"Uh... Sure, baby, I'll get my men to run down and get you some. You want anything else?"

"Well... some ice cream would be nice."

"I'll do better than that. I'll tell them to get you the triple chocolate ice cream. Your favourite flavour."

He heard her giggle. "Thanks."

"I'll go tell the boys and then I'll be right back. Unlock the door for me, 'kay?"

"Okay."

The Joker marched over to his henchmen who were planning cards and discussing the latest movies in the cinema. "Boys, I have a job for you."

"Uh, sure, boss, what is it?" One of then asked.

"I need you to run down to the store and fetch some tampons."

The men glanced at one another. "For... you?"

He growled and hit the henchman who asked that over the head. "Of course not!" He cleared his throat. "It's for my dear little harlequin; she's not feeling too swell and she's run out."

"Well, why can't you go get them?"

The Joker whipped his gun out of his pocket. "Because I'll blow the brains out of any of you who disobeys my orders! You're grown _men_ for Christ's sake! Grow a pair and do something nice for the lady!" He paused. "Besides, I need to stay here and look after my little Harley."

His henchmen still looked uneasy but they stood up. "So you want us to break into a store and steal a packet of tampons?"

The clown shrugged. "You can pay for them if you really want to. Oh, also get a bucket of triple chocolate ice cream – and _flowers!_ Yes, a nice, big bouquet of flowers too."

"Jeez, boss, why are you being so nice to the hench-wench?"

The Joker raised his gun and fired at the man who asked that. Straight in the forehead. Without so much as glancing at that man n as he dropped lifelessly to the floor, he waved his gun at the rest of them. "Any more questions, boys?"

They shook their heads.

"Well, then off you go!" He waved them farewell.

As they left, he headed back up to the bathroom where he found the door unlocked and opened slightly. He slipped in and saw Harley sitting on the toilet with her head between her knees.

"How's it going, Harl?"

"I hate cramps." She mumbled and lifted her head. "I'm sorry I'm being so annoying, Mr J."

"Don't be silly, pumpkin. You can't help it. You know, really Mother Nature is the one to blame."

Harley giggled. "I guess so."

"What's her deal with making all you women bleed? Why can't she just pop in each month and say 'congratulations on not being pregnant', give you a thumbs up and let you go about your day without your uterus repeatedly committing suicide?"

She was now shrieking with laugher, holding her sides and squeezing her eyes shut. "You're so silly." She gasped between her chortles.

"It's all for you, baby girl."

While they waited for the men to return, they continued to chat about Mother Nature and her evil curse of blood – and actually got into a really deep discussion about it – and Harley also tried to explain what cramps feel like.

"... I dunno exactly what it feels like but... you know how normal cramps hurt?" He nodded. "It's like that but... amplified and _continuous_. Like they can go on for a few days."

The Joker cringed. "I don't even want to think about it. I mean, I know I'm a masochist but, _man! _That's intense!"

"Boss, we're back!"

"Oh, I'll be right back, sweetness." He ran down to meet his men.

One had the ice cream (along with two big spoons), another was holding a massive bouquet and one had the tampons in a plastic bag, holding it away from him.

"Oh, grow up, boys." He took the gifts and bag them. "However, I must praise you in your efforts on finding the biggest bouquet you could find."

With that, he turned abruptly on his heel and hurried back to Harley. He entered the bathroom and saw her face light up in surprise.

"Oh, puddin', they're gorgeous!" She grinned excitedly. "Are they for me?"

"_Of course_ they are, darling!" The Joker set the flowers aside and handed her the plastic bag.

"You're the best, Mr J."

"Of course I am! And here!" He showed her the ice cream. "You can have as much as you want! Ignore the two spoons; it's all for you. In fact, you can eat it with the two spoons if you want."

She giggled. "I want to share it with you."

"Oh, good. I was hoping you would. It is my favourite flavour too after all."

"I thought your favourite was peppermint?"

"Oh, it is but this is also my favourite because it's _your_ favourite."

"You're too much."

"You can never have too much of the Joker, baby." He opened the ice cream and handed Harley a spoon. "You feeling better, pumpkin?"

She nodded, taking the spoon. "Thanks for this."

"Anything for you, baby-doll." He said as they dug in.


End file.
